Maura Schwartz

We're going to be best friends. And it's going to make Natalie and Keryn totally jealous.

Karl Malone & John Stockton

It's incredible what one play (in this case, the pick and roll) can do for two careers. Is John Stockton the best white player of all time... or at least the best guard?

Velociraptors

They hunt in threes; as soon as you think you can escape the one, his two partners get you. Good thing they're no longer around, or life would be way more complicated.

Snuggies

I'm still not sure if they're more practical or just lazy. Either way, it's probably one of the most useful infomercial products on the market today (or ever, for that matter).

Regina Spektor

She flipped out at me while she was sound-checking and now I'll never like her. E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-t.

T-Sweezy vs. Taylor Swift

T-Sweezy's "Thug Story" is the best sub-2:00 song I've heard since the LazyTown / Lil' Jon mash-up. For more information on Taylor Swift, see below.

M&Ms

When I was little, I'd only eat the greens. I no longer have the patience to sort them out.

Moe's Southwestern Grill

I find it pleasantly coincidental that the burrito I'd order (if I custom made one) has my name in it already -- the Joey Bag O' Donuts. However, since trying the nachos (more specifically, the queso), there's been only one return trip to Burrito Island.

Rainbows

Double rainbows are the only ones that ever really interest me anymore. I guess I've been rainbow'd out.

Rainboots

I have no interest in the matter. I did learn, however, that most cute rainboots come from Target.

Keanu Reeves

All you need to know about Keanu Reeves is that the first list in the Onion A/V Club's book of lists is "Six Movies Keanu Reeves Somehow Didn't Ruin." Despite the fact that he can't act, The Matrix still remains one of my five favorite movies of all time, and probably will forever.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

GET TO THE CHOPPAH. Also, I loved him in Predator.

Applebees vs. TGI Friday's

I'd still have to say I prefer Friday's. But Friday's doesn't offer half-price apps, now do they?

StarCraft 2

Since they're releasing it in three parts, I'll only get the first. I hope I'm better at it than I was at StarCraft (1).

Cash Cab

At the end of the game, I'd play it conservatively when debating whether or not to try to double my money. I feel like $200 is the cutoff -- anything more, and I'm not risking it.

Taylor Swift

For a while, she was America's sweetheart and I loved her. Then she beat out Gaga for too many big Grammys; now she's dead to me.

Autotune

I never liked it. Until I heard "Thug Story."

Nightmare on Elm Street Series

I've only seen the first, but it falls in the middle of the road for me in terms of 1970s / 1980s horror series. I like it more than Friday the 13th, but it really pales in comparison to Halloween.

Snow Days

I used to love them, but now that we have them more frequently than we have Wednesdays, I've grown tired of them. I usually get shortchanged and miss out on hours at work, which only leaves me poorer and more broke than I was.

Moral Relativism in Modern Society

As long as you feel you're doing the right thing, that's fine by me. But I guess this is the reason why there's so much disagreement in our world, huh?

Paper or Plastic?

I actually prefer paper in plastic: it gives you handles to carry with but the durability of the paper bag. When I worked at a grocery store, my least favorite thing to do was double paper; do you have any idea how annoying it is to put together eight double paper bags?

Super Soakers

Like Legos, I always wished Super Soakers were cheaper so I could have had way more. My four puny Super Soaker 100s don't get the job done.

Nature of Man / Good vs. Evil

I feel we're treading water that's almost too deep for this blog. I don't know whether I should approach this topic with humor or seriousness, so I'm taking a two-sentence cop-out.

Dippin' Dots

I like how ice cream for astronauts has been distributed to us, the common people. I wonder how well little ice cream balls hold up in outer space, anyway.

The Lemon Party

I miss the times when the Lemon Party played only Weird Al, the Beach Boys and Will Smith. Those were the good days.

Matt Bacon Hand

He's on the internet. Also, I hope Bacon is as good for Lily as bacon is for me.

Jwoww Kaufman

I'm amused by her constant name changes on Facebook. No one I know does it more, and no one does it better.

Lily Szabo

She's alright, I guess. Isn't that what the song says?

Morning Hand

Their cover of Holy Diver is my favorite cover of that song I've ever heard. I've yet to wake up and remember to feel what morning hand feels like.

Pull and Peel

This technology is incredible. I wish all foods came in this form.

Disney Starlets

Do I have to pick a favorite? Can't I just love them all?

Gummy Bears vs. Gummy Worms

Give me gummy worms, hands down. Especially sour gummy worms -- they're quickly ascending on my list of "favorite candies you can buy two bags of for a dollar at most supermarkets."

Gummy Bear Flavors

I think trying to figure out what color is what flavor is a lost cause. That's why I eat 'em by the handful.

Gossip Girl

I've never seen an episode and I aim to keep it that way. I'd rather be forced to watch the O.C., though, probably.

Ducks

“I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like, 'Give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up: it is for a duck.'”

Ice in Drinks

I've learned to drink these drinks fast, lest flavor prepare for a watery grave. Not getting ice at soda machines gives you enough additional beverage that the trade-off for a slightly warmer drink is totally worth it.

Tea

I'm not a fan of any kind but iced. If you have unsweetened, you better give me a lot of sugar on the side.

The Jersey Shore (location)

I want to go the boardwalk. Who wants to come?

7/11

7/11, Wawa, Quick Chek: there's no real difference. As long as I can get a sandwich and a milkshake / other tasty beverage, I'm down.

Sunshine

I enjoyed the movie. Jessica, when you see it, wear some sunglasses.

Amsterdam

Never been there. Doubt I'll ever go.

Miley Cyrus

I wish I never heard her talk. Singing's okay, but talking's a no-no.

Women With Hairy Armpits

It's suggestions like this that make me pause. I just say, 'Do what you gotta do.'

Old School Nickelodeon

There's nothing like it. Five cents to see a movie -- you can't beat that!

Goosebumps (Book Series)

These were a big part of my childhood. My favorite was, "Say Cheese and Die!"

The Bad Girls Club

I had to look this one up. I hate reality TV, so I'd imagine I'd hate this, too.

Simon Leaving 'American Idol'

Is $100 million a year too much for you? I'd do it for $25,000 a year.

Dick Cheney

As though getting shot a few years ago wasn't enough, poor guy had a heart attack today. Can't he catch a break?

'Joey' vs. 'Joe'

I've pigeon-holed myself into being Joey to distinguish phone calls between my dad and me. I don't see myself ever changing my name.

The Sensible Six

If you don't have the Ultimate meal plan (or no meal plan), no other meal plan makes sense. The clique is too exclusive.

Jager Bombs

I'm remarkably neutral toward them. They are a prominent feature of my favorite song by LMFAO that features Lil Jon, though.

Snooki

Yesterday, when I said I liked pickles (I forget the context, so don't judge me), someone asked me if I was Snooki. I hate that we've come to this.

Chris Novy = Edward Norton?

He's never re-enacted scenes from American History X at two in the morning. How can I tell if they're one in the same?

Olivia Munn

She gets points for being a hot nerd. But Olivia Wilde is more attractive, by far.

5A

It was fun pre-break. It's not fun post-break.

People Named 'Denise'

Until a month ago, I believe I'd met one person with that name. Is it weird that I'm now in a class with two others?

Times New Roman

It gets the job done. I wonder what the default font would be had it not existed?

Helvetica

The font is nicer than Times. Eventually, I'd like to see the documentary of the same name.

Tom from MySpace

I wish I had that many friends. He's so popular!

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

They're cursed... or are they? Who's real: Hurley or alterna-Hurley?

The Word 'Taciturn'

I see no need for it. Why can't we just use 'quiet' instead?

Legos

I love 'em. When I was little, I wish the sets weren't so expensive... what's up with that, anyway?

Microsoft Paint

I'm waiting for a friendly admiration to turn into a rivalry. Who's the better artist: Steve Payson or Pete Calautti?

Libraries

Though I don't use them to check out books any more (I usually just end up buying them), I've gone to my local library more in the last two years than in my previous 20. Though I subscribe to Netflix, being able to check out up to ten movies per week is too good to pass up.

The U.S. Government's Attempts to Get Rid of the Penny

Our currency would be one third less colorful, which would be a disappointment. Also, it would require me to change the name of this blog, and that's a bit more effort than I'm willing to put into anything right now.

Candy Cigarettes

I'm blissfully unaware to their existence. Let's keep it that way.

Names That Begin With the Letter "H"

My favorite is probably Haley (or, for the purposes of this post, Halley). What other "H" name has a comet named after it?

Cheese Doodles

A food whose tastiness is only surpassed by the hilarity of its name. If they didn't turn your fingers orange, they'd be a nearly perfect snack.

The Beatles

They're pretty good, I guess, and sort of influential. My favorite song of theirs is either "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" or "Dear Prudence."

American Idol

The show has produced two superstars out of eight winners: Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Is that an acceptable success rate?

The Polan-Clarke Family

One of only two families, to my knowledge, who have invited me into two places of residence. Select company.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I felt cheated that he *SPOILER* didn't die. That's a cop out.

Spanish Signs in Stores

I've never really given much thought to this. But if you're going to have one sign in Spanish, it only makes sense to have all signs in both Spanish and English, right?

Australia

I know to never call a Kiwi an Aussie. I wonder if the inverse is true, too.

Old Spice

The combination shampoo / body wash makes showering twice as easy. It cut my shower time from roughly seven minutes to six.

Winter Olympics

Curling is the highlight of these games. I prefer the summer flavor, though.

Wal-Mart

Any place that sells machetes for $8 is okay in my book. Also, their no-receipt return policy is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

McDonalds

The McDonalds by my house is the most disgusting fast food place I've ever been in, which is why I won't eat there. The fries, snack wraps and desserts are the only things worth eating anyway.

Cellphone Radiation

We're all in trouble. But before it becomes a debilitating problem, they'll find a solution... I hope.

Grapes

I thought for the longest time that I preferred green grapes. Once I tasted red grapes, everything changed.

Man on Wire (2008 film)

One of the best (if not THE best) documentaries I've seen (though I haven't watched many). It's on Netflix instant -- go watch it now.

Pearl Jam

I wish I was old enough to appreciate them in the early 1990's. My favorite song of theirs, I've just decided, is "Garden."

Pink Floyd

Is it weird that I don't really like them? I don't dislike them, but I don't find anything great, especially when compared to a band like Led Zeppelin.

3-D Movies

I've never been more sure of anything than I am that this is a phase that will die out soon. My Bloody Valentine 3D was stupid enough as it was; the cheesy 3D effects made it even worse.

Sour Patch Kids

All four flavors are delicious. If you haven't tried a Sour Patch Kids sandwich, with all four flavors in a little stack, go do that now.

American Apparel

Could the store feature any smaller clothing? Their shirts sure are soft, though.

Lord of the Rings

Embarassing, I know, but I've only seen the first movie. Two Towers and Return of the King are probably the two movies I'm most embarrassed to say I haven't yet seen.

2012

This end-of-the-world talk is preposterous. The Mayans only stopped their calendar because they were killed off before they could continue.

Newspapers

As a journalist, I'm sad they're dying out. But why would you pay for news when you can get it online for free?

Mad Dog (1977 film)

Stumbling upon this in movie roulette was fun. It provides us with classic lines, like, "I haven't had a woman in a long time -- and I like women!"

Melissa Lynam

This is a weird topic to put on my blog, but here it is. She's one of my top-ten all-time roommates.

iPhones

I wish the iPhone was unlocked for Verizon; I'd probably have one. My primary interaction with iPhones, though, is when they're used as a timer in charades.

S'Mores

Authentic s'mores are delicious. The s'more "Chewy" bars by Quaker, though, are the weakest of the four flavors in the variety pack I buy (along with chocolate chip, peanut butter chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin).

Red Heads

I don't understand what all the hate is about. Have you seen Christina Hendricks?

Aliens

They're out there, for sure; the universe is too big for us to be alone. Also, I loved James Cameron's "Aliens."

Pennies

I'm confused by their smooth edges (as well as the smooth edges on nickels). They also provide great inspiration for blogs.

Double Stick Tape

I haven't had to use this much. However, 3M's Poster Strips are the best for hanging up posters at school without leaving a mark after they're removed.

The Obamas' Dog

I feel Sasha and Malia were probably more excited about getting a new dog than their father winning the presidency back in 2008. I probably would be, too.

Bono

Sonny Bono shouldn't have gone skiing. As for plain Bono (vanilla Bono?), I liked U2's "No Line on the Horizon," even though "Get on Your Boots" was totally out of place on that album.

Stage Musicals Made Into Movies

I like The Music Man, both in stage and cinema form. I probably like it better in cinema form, actually.

Zooey Deschanel

She's adorable and she can sing; if she could act, she'd be nearly perfect. My favorite role for her was Summer in (500) Days of Summer, mostly because she didn't need to really act.

Actors Who Start Bands

I'm mostly unfamiliar with this phenomenon. However, the only part of Eurotrip that I like is when Matt Damon sings, so I guess this counts as a favorable review.

Oprah's Book Club

As far as I know, I've only read one book she recommended: The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I liked it, so I guess I'm in favor of her selections.

Payson's Beard

My favorite version is the version Melissa made out of the letter I. I also liked it when he turned it into Lemmy's beard.

Religion

I'm cool with it. Just don't push it on people, okay?

Surf Ninjas

I've never seen it. Considering Casey's love for this movie and considering I've lived with him for 3+ semesters, I find that fact fascinating.

Rainbows

Learning ROY G. BIV was one of my finest moments of fourth grade. Also, double rainbows impress me far more than regular rainbows.

Kimbo Slice

I like his hair. I know nothing else about him.

Brittany Janelle Brophy

She's a piece of trash. Whoever made a Facebook account for her needs to find better things to do with his or her time.

Payson's Mom

She's the sweetest mother of any of my friends at Ramapo. Plus she brings us food; what's not to love?

Caps Lock

It's one of the clearest ways to demonstrate how I'm feeling at any given time. I'm sad that the BILLY MAYS sticker I bought to place on it fell off.

Mr. Potato Head

I like his black hat. I wish he had better taste in women.

Mrs. Potato Head

Can't say I'm a fan. She's too sassy to Mr. Potato Head in both the Toy Story movies and that one commercial where they're riding in a car.

Chat Roulette

Who are people looking to chat with on this site? That's my biggest question: Does everyone have one specific demographic they hope to get when they 'next' you?

Cops (the people)

I have nothing against them. Until they pull over to the side of the highway, then pull back out into traffic behind me, waiting for me to break a law.

Cops (the show)

I don't watch it that much. However, if I was going to be arrested, and there was at least a 90% chance that it'd be for something cool, I'd want to be arrested on the show.

Livestrong Bracelets

Livestrong bracelets were pretty cool until they became a fashion statement. Also, Livestrong bracelets were pretty cool until my cat ate one.

The Price of Stamps

Can't we just pick one price and stick to it? I honestly have no idea what the current price even is.

Fish Food

Fish food's flaky physical consistency is its best feature. Also, Ben and Jerry's Phish Food is tasty.

Balloon Animals

I'm thrown off by how deceptively easy they seem to be to make. Making them is a talent I worked on for approximately two days several years ago, to no avail.

Backyard Grilling

A seasoned grill chef will inevitably make any social gathering infinitely better. However, an unseasoned or unsure griller will make you wish you never showed up.

Pokémon

Pokémon is incredible if for no other reason than its longevity. Also, it's able to appeal to any both casual and hardcore Pokémaniacs, which is pretty cool.

Troll Dolls

I was never really into them. However, I did have a really awesome glow-in-the-dark Troll, which is now either in the garbage or in my closet somewhere.

Twitter

I see the point in Twitter, I really do. Except I prefer deciding who to STOP following than who to START following, which I don't think is the point.

Jelly Beans

On a whole, I'm in favor of jelly beans. However, I'm very anti-Jelly Belly, as there are more unpleasant tastes than pleasant ones.

Wintry Mix

I'm not a fan. You're not able to enjoy a snowfall, nor can you enjoy safe and driveable roads.

What?

I'm starting a new micro-blog. Stemming from an idea Christian Larson, Brian Scully, Steve Payson and Jordan Polan-Clarke had, I'm going to give my two-sentence opinion about any and every topic. Got an idea? Post a comment!